I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
