She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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