It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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