I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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