it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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