I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
