There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
