And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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