Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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