you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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