I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You have to summon your inner elephant
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
