wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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