just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just high enough for therapy.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
