I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
