dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
