we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
