can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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