I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
