girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
