Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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