It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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