Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
