Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
