i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
