allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
