life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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