I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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