is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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