I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Randomize
