his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
