And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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