My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
