Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
