I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Houston, we have a blender
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
