sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
