I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
