Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
