i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
All I want is dick and wine.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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