u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This is my gift to your gina
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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