I'm gonna have a badass scar
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
