On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
