ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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