She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
This baby is an asshole
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
