I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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