Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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