my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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