He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
