I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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