I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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