Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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