I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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