So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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