he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
