after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
